According to a government spokesperson British Prime Minister Theresa May has informed her cabinet that the process of Brexit has been cancelled in favour of an application for England to join the United States of America as its fifty first state.

Secret talks with Donald Trump have been in motion since their ground breaking meeting last year when President Trump suggested the concept of England joining the Union. Despite initial surprise, it now seems that the idea of taking back control has gone one step further with this announcement this morning.

A red, white and blue EnglandThe government spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous states that an official press conference will take place later this evening which will outline the timetable for England to join the United States. There will also be a provision for Scotland and Wales to become members either separately, as part of a unifying American state or remain as individual independent states but Northern Ireland has been excluded because Trump doesn’t like the golf courses there and thinks that Rory McElroy is “not good golfer”.

It has also been reported that once the process has been completed, Theresa May will step down as the last Prime Minister for Great Britain and Nigel Farage will become state governor of the English state. In a statement this morning, Mr Farage said that “I am absolutely delighted to be playing a major part of this wonderful plan, and my hope as lord protector of England will be to bring England into the USA as a great state, a strong state and above all, an English state”.

Although it is expected that there will be some initial resistance, the spokesperson believed that a strong social media campaigning with highlighting the benefits of membership will have most English citizens onside quite quickly. There are rumours of a red white and blue bus taking to the roads of Britain but this has not been confirmed.

In a response to the expected announcement, an EU spokesperson said that they remain unconvinced that this idea will work and when asked if it is possible that other EU members may follow England, they said that this was as “unlikely”.

Ken Sweeney
Committed to idea of supporting aspiring writers and journalists. Serial podcaster.

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    1. Didn’t Thatcher already signed it over to Reagan but nobody can really be bothered with the silly little island that was going to become a theme park, Englandland, with great attractions like be prime minister for an hour, ride in the queen’s royal carriage, visit the Shakespeare Grotto in the Tower of London and lots more authenticity…

    2. This April Fool humour is entertaining but flawed. Cancelling Brexit would mean remaining in the EU, so how would the alliance with the USA work?
      And would Samuel L Jackson become the new Governer’s Health Advisor?

      1. It wouldn’t but yes SLJ would make a fine minister as long as he was allowed to wear an eye patch 😀

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